Sometimes I have to remember that life is for learning things. With my current occupation you would think this would be a hard truth to forget, but I do. Or I want to pick and choose the kind of education that comes to me, without considering what the Teacher wants me to learn. I am still not a very good student, but these last few weeks have taught me to be more humble and trusting.
After moving to Tucson (and probably as an indirect result of it, along with other strenuous activities) I developed a back/shoulder problem that started off as a mild irritation in week one and turned into a nearly unbearable pain by week three. Teaching required constant doses of ibuprofen (which I abhor, having always hoped to keep my kidneys and liver in a fit state to donate) and my hope of successfully finishing out this school year turned into a plea to be able to get through a day. Every day after getting home all I could do was lay on my back until the exhaustion overcame the pain and I slept for a few hours at a time. I don't know if I have ever been more discouraged in my life. I didn't feel like I could be a good teacher when I was so constantly distracted by pain, and I couldn't find any stress relief in sports or exercise, which are a HUGE part of my life.
Finally on Sunday I made a trip to urgent care and the doctor there shed some light on the problem. Apparently it is a herniated disc that is pinching the C8 nerve in my lower neck and causing pain through my back and left arm. It is made worse by things like running, volleyball, and pretty much every other sport that I have played. Moving large and bulky items (for my apartment and my classroom) on top of that finally pushed it over the edge, and the doctor said that from here on out I will likely have "episodes" where it will flare up (usually 6 weeks to 2 months) interspersed with pain-free times, depending on my activities. He prescribed some stronger medication for pain, and told me to take ibuprofen constantly (???) to keep the swelling down.
I'll be honest, I didn't handle the news very valiantly. "So my options," I thought, "are A) to live a sedentary life and eventually die from boredom B) ignore the advice, keep playing sports and die even earlier from kidney failure or C) see how long I can go without meds before the pain makes everything impossible."
(Note: Trust me, I know that I was being overly dramatic and a whiner. There are SO many people in this world who deal with a lot more pain on a regular basis, and they still go about with their busy and productive lives. In fact, they are usually the most productive people I know. I have been blessed to have always had pretty good health and few injuries, so I am still learning how to work with pain, however slight it may be.)
There have been a lot of times in the last few days when I have asked Heavenly Father "Why?" Why did He want me to move to Tucson - I really had felt good about it - when it would indirectly lead to this problem? Why couldn't the problem have shown up before I moved, when I probably would have looked for a less physical job? Why did I have to be so far away from all my family and loved ones at the time when I wanted them most?
Today when I was teaching an answer came to me in this way. I was trying to teach a phonics lesson, but one of the students kept raising his hand to ask me what we were doing and never seemed to listen when I gave instructions or explanations. He just kept on asking questions! Finally I called his name and said "If you keep on asking questions, you'll never learn the lesson." I'm not sure if he really understood that - he is, after all, only 6 - but it's application for me was obvious and I thought about it for the rest of the day.
"Be still, and know that I am God." (Doctrine and Covenants 101:16) This is the lesson that I am learning, and I really am trying to shut my mouth and open my heart and mind. :) Not an easy task for me, but I will improve.
I am sure that everything will work out, and again, I feel like I always end up on the easy side of trials. So many people deal with so much more, not just in the way of physical hardships, but also emotional and spiritual. I am grateful to share your ranks in some small way, and my prayers go out to those who are suffering anywhere.
P.S. My school really is great, and I have wonderful students. Despite its location, the whole school seems to be very normal and safe. Hooray! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment