Black or White: what does matter

There seems to be a lot of discussion lately on the subject of race, and I found it a little ironic that this was the first week that I had to deal with some of those issues personally. While I am sure there are still many subconscious biases that I will need to uncover and remedy, I have learned this week that treating people with respect and kindness is what matters most, and I can agree with the words of Michael Jackson that "it don't matter if you're black or white," because we are all just people.

In our student teacher seminar on Wednesday our supervisor told the story of a teacher in a predominantly black school whose students used the term "white" as an insult among themselves. One day the student teacher confronted a student about it, and told him that it really wasn't a good thing to say.

"I'm white," she told the student.

The student jumped to her defense. "No you're not!"

"Yes, I am. I was born white, my family is white, and being white isn't a bad thing."

To that point the student had never connected skin color with the words "black" and "white". White was something abnormal, despised, snoody, etc.

For the most part I have felt welcomed in my school by both students and faculty. We say "good morning" every day and chat about school, weekend plans, and life in general. Sometimes, however, I have sensed a barrier. I don't quite know how to say it, but the first time I realized it was during a school assembly when they had the entire school chant "I'm black and I'm proud" followed by a scripted performance by the student body officers pledging support to and faith in President Obama's upcoming re-election. Political opinions and correctness aside, it demonstrated the deep pride that these people have in their history and culture, and for a minute I felt like I wasn't allowed to be proud of my own ancestry. I felt mistrusted, misunderstood, and definitely like an outsider, and I started to reflect these feelings back in my interactions with students and other teachers.

These sentiments rarely surfaced in my conscious mind, but on Thursday of this past week they were brought abruptly to the forefront. I was in my classroom after school and two girls came in to wait for their after-school tutors to arrive. I see these girls every week and we always exchange smiles and say hello, but since they aren't my students I don't have a lot of personal interaction with them. This week, however, one of them turned to me and asked "Excuse me, are you white?" My first reaction was complete surprise that she had to ask. While I am capable of acquiring a nice tan in the summertime, let's be honest, I am about as Anglo-Saxon as they come in the winter. (Even in the summer you couldn't realistically mistake me for an African-American.)

"Yes, I am," I answered, not sure what else to say.

Suddenly both girls were quiet and things were awkward.

"Why would you ever ask that?" The other girl hissed at her friend.

The questioner addressed me again with "Oh, I'm sorry. No offense, but I don't like white people."

I had to laugh at the "no offense" part, but I asked her why anyway. She said "because they be mean." Her friend was embarrassed and tried to get her to be quiet, and even offered that she didn't think they were ALL mean. I admit that I was feeling a bit ruffled at being identified with such an unmerited stereotype, and I did my best to stay polite as I explained that I tried to be kind and white people were just like black people in that you have nice and mean personalities in both races. Their tutors came in soon after and I left for the day, but a feeling of resentment lingered and I was hurt that some people in this culture still seem to see me as "white" and not as "Kiera."

As I have thought more on this experience and others like it, I have realized how many times in my own life I have seen other people through a similar lens. My biased and blurried understanding of some cultures has limited my ability to see people for who they really are. Misunderstanding leads to mistrust, which leads to suspicion, which can lead to accusation, violence and so on.

On the other hand, when I get to know and see these people as individuals I learn that we are not so different after all. This week I met the parent of a student who enjoys reading, Capri Suns, and who chews ice even though she knows it is bad for her teeth. Well, so far that is just like me! I suddenly had common ground with this woman, however simple it was. And that understanding led to respect, trust, and kindness.

I don't know all the answers to the world's complicated problems, and most of the time I feel like I have enough of my own to deal with. But this week was a good reminder for me that we are all just people, and all children of the same loving Heavenly Father. The sibling rivalry we have going on here has got to stop!

God "inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God..."

- 2 Nephi 26:33, The Book of Mormon